In lieu of an afternoon snack

After a lovely morning of playing with some of our favorite friends, I waded into a difficult afternoon. My little Audrey struggles so badly with leaving friends. She wailed her way into her nap, shouting for her dear friends. Tiny Vivienne struggled to return to sleep after a too soon rest in the car on the way home. Then, I visited my prized tomatoes on the front porch who seemed to have been eaten up alive by some evil pest while we were away this morning. I love these little plants, and I began to worry for them. This string of events sent me racing to the kitchen for a some sort of food that I would take away all this afternoon angst. But, no! One month into a foray in Weight Watchers with my friends stopped me. " Sit with your anger, your worry, your overdone-ness," my friend would have said to me, had she been in my kitchen; "Feel it," I hear her say. So I sat in my nasty feelings for awhile. How do I focus on pointing my daughter to Jesus when she struggles rather than just trying to manage her and control her? How do I swallow my own pride when she resists obedience upon leaving friends' homes? How do I learn patience when my baby can't sleep, and I really, really need her to? Why does my little garden struggle? Why can't it just be easy to grow a pretty little cherry tomato? I wasn't hungry, I just wanted something to satiate my pains. I need Gospel, not cake!

I am revived now by Gospel. I can't parent in my own strength. I can't garden. But, Jesus can. And he condescends to use me, to infuse me with his strength and power. To do more than I can ask or imagine... (Jesus, I can imagine a lot...)

I feel better, but I am still really sad about my tomatoes. I think they might be dying. So, I decided to think about birthday parties. And I spent some time in a little shop on etsy called Hey Yo Yo. The name was enough to cheer me. And there were striped paper straws. Gingham cupcake papers. Adorable little things to top cakes. Not as satisfying as Gospel, but it made me forget about my tomatoes for awhile. This pretty little fan was pictured in the shop, and it gave me a smile. I like to celebrate and throw pretty little parties.

And after all, I am bound for a place where I am sure that I can grow a happy tomato and feast on it with friends as I celebrate the Creator. There will be no more crying, no more missed nap, no more running to things that can't satisfy. "On Jordan's stormy banks I stand; and cast a wishful eye; on Canaan's bright and happy land; where my possessions lie."